I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
