either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
