Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
