My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
