Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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