From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
