that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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