i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
