I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
