No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
