Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
