His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Randomize