I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
