Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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