she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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