CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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