oh god the rape fog is back!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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