I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
