There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
