you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
