Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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