You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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