Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
