Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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