I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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