why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize