we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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