it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
