am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
