I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
