Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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