I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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