On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
