This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
