i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
