Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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