if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
