I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
