tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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