We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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