If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
