Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
