69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
