someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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