Its about making memories worth repressing
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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