Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
