last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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