I just cut my nipple shaving
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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