My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
