Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
