i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sarcasm needs its own font
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
