Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sext me about skeletons
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
