Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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