but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
