I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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