Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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