Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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