Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
