i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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