If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
