no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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