Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
