How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
