i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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