Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize