hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
