There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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