Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
