I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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