Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
BRING THE BAGELS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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