someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
