I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you never un-have a 4some
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
