I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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