if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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