Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
look no pants
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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