roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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