bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
