Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize