So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
