I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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