Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
