Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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