you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
