My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ttyl tear gas
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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