i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
